The honeymoon is over...

It sucks when reality hits you like a tonne of bricks.
It sucks when you're not treated the way you want to be.
It sucks when you feel that the other may not care as much.
It sucks to be the one that will be all alone...

I always thought that i would be the one who was taken care of....but the reality is far from it. I feel like I have to bow down to some selfish needs and let my own wants be trampled upon. Then I wonder if maybe my wants are too much. But then again, maybe I'm being way too nice by letting things slide and not standing up for myself. Why should one benefit over the other? Isn't it supposed to be mutual? Isn't that what compromise is about?

Sometimes I wonder whether it's really worth it...whether I should be investing so much into something that doesn't fulfill me completely. Maybe I'm just being to extreme with my emotions...maybe it's just the hormones...

Whatever it is, I hope it passes quickly so I can move on. So I can be happy again...

Moments that make you sigh...

*WARNING* Incredibly mushy and soppy post ahead. Please do not read if you believe that public declarations of affection and love should not be allowed.

Now that I got that over with...I just have to say that I have the BEST boyfriend in the whole, wide world. I mean, seriously, he's wonderful...and his most recent act has brought me close to tears. So I just had to blog about it.

I just got back from a trip to Hong Kong and Macau today. I stayed 2 nights in Hong Kong and 1 night (last night) in Macau. The trip was planned way before I even had a bf and the main aim was to go meet a couple of Unimates and also check out the hype about HK and Macau.

For those of you who know me long enough, you'll know that I'm mostly an independant traveller. I don't mind going to a place by myself and do the whole tourist thingy alone. I never usually have to go somewhere with a companion because sometimes, it's just much easier travelling without having to pander to the whims and fancies of a travel mate. But, this time I wasn't really going to be alone...not in HK anyways coz I have 2 Unimates doing their masters there so they were my tour guides & shopping buddies for the 3 days I was there. However once I got to Macau yesterday, I was on my own.

See, my bf is Portugese and as we all know, Macau was a Portugese colony up until about a decade ago. So imagine the excitement in his eyes before I went as he told me what I should see and what I should eat and all. He truly did want me to get as much a taste of Portugese culture as possible and being a curious person, I really wanted to know if Macau would be all it was cracked up to be.

Thing is, once I got to Macau and checked into my hotel room, it was already 4pm. I got out as quickly as I could coz I wanted to see as much as possible before it got dark and all. Somewhere around 5.30pm after I had seen the Ruins of St. Paul's church, it started to rain so heavily that I was forced to take refuge at a cosmetics store to wait out the storm. At that moment, surrounded by beautiful Portugese buildings, the heavy rain pouring and being all alone in a sea of couples, families and tourists, all I could think of was "I really wished he was with me now"...

30 minutes later, the rain subsided and in my damp and lonely-ish state, I continued to walk around some of the popular streets of Macau and check out a casino or two before heading back to the hotel.

Now come the mushy part. Today after getting home, I called my bf up and told him I missed him like crazy especially when I was in Macau. With so many things being Portugese and all it was hard not to think of him and I really did wish he was with me coz he would have made the experience so much better. Then he told me "I was going to come see you...in Macau". I paused...what did he mean? He then went on the explain that he had tried all week to reach his cousin, saying that he thought he'd fly in on Saturday, spend a day with his cousin and the on Sunday when I came to Macau, he wanted to surprise me at the Ruins of St. Paul's church.

He had told me about his cousin in Macau and he had even said that he wanted his cousin to meet me and pass him something for him. All week, I was aware that he was trying to contact his cousin but he couldn't seem to get a hold of him. His frustration at this got me annoyed coz I thought why not just give my number to his cousin and when I get to Macau, we can just co-ordinate a meeting. He had asked if his cousin could meet me at the Hotel I was staying at but I didn't tell him my hotel details coz I thought it would just be too troublesome for his cousin. So since I didn't get any calls on Sunday from his cousin, I assumed that the meeting wasn't going to work out.

Imagine my surprise then when he tells me today that he wanted all the info so that he could come see me himself...just to be with me and visit Macau together. He even talked to my brother about it...But when he found out that his cousin was in Thailand until the end of the month, and he didn't have the details of my hotel nor the exact plans of my travels (I don't really have a set travel schedule I stick to, you know), the whole plan couldn't work...so he didn't come. But the thought that he actually was willing to just buy a ticket and come be with me, all the way in Macau...it really touched me and I nearly cried. No one has ever done anything so remotely sweet and romantic for me...ever.

His plans may not have worked out but he has given me something far more wonderful in return...the feeling of knowing that I am wanted by a loving and wonderful man who makes me feel on top of the world with his beautiful gestures. Now I simply can't wait to go to Macau again, and this time with him...sigh :)

The RM54,000 proposal

Right now at my office, the hottest gossip (or news, I should say) is about the RM54,000 proposal that an exec did for his gf here on VDay. If you do not already know about it, you can read all the juicy details here. It happened about a week ago and I did read about it in the newspaper but physically, I had not seen the billboard in question even though it's soooooooo close to where i work. What can I say, I wasn't really compelled to see a billboard of a guy proposing when the guy ain't that hot, the ring isn't really that visible and I'm not the person the ad was for in the first place.

Anyways, yesterday when me and some of my workmates went out to lunch, the topic came up. And since most of us had not seen it yet, we decided we'd make a small diversion to check out the now infamous billboard. Okay, I really don't know what we were expecting to see coz the billboard looked exactly like it did in the news article (like DUH! as if it would change just coz we were seeing it in person). But, upon seeing the ad, we all started discussing about the proposal.

Here's the deal...if your bf spent RM40,000 on a billboard just to pop the question, what would you do? Personally, I'd smack him in the head for being such a fool. I really don't care how filthy rich a guy is...spending RM40,000 on something that is of no value is just ridiculous. Imagine how many people could be fed with that money, how many clothes could be bought...you could even get a car for that kind of money. Why, oh why, waste it on a billboard??? I wasn't the only one who thought so...a couple of my married colleageus felt the same too, that it was a waste of good money.

One of my colleagues though was quick to point out that maybe we'd feel differently if we were on the receiving side of the proposal. I wonder though...I think the initial shock of getting the proposal may restrict all logic thinking for a bit. But chances are, as soon as all normal brain function returns, I'm probably gonna smack him. I think the guy just did it for publicity...he just wanted to show off to everyone that he has pockets deep enough to fund this silly display of love (somebody, gag me please...).

Now, you'll notice that I'm not saying anything about the whopping RM14,000 that he spent on the ring. Truth is, diamonds truly are a girls best friend. And more often than not, the more or the bigger, the better. At least the diamond can be worn by the girl forever, but what in the world can she do with that billboard that's gonna sit on the side of the LDP for the rest of the month? Probably burn it into memory and look back on the day when her bf spent sooooooooooooooooooooooo much cash on her. Yikes!!! What happens if the marriage doesn't work out? Damn...that would be so sad. Should've just given her the cash. At least she could get herself stuff or maybe even use it for the wedding!

Okay, so maybe I'm being overly critical and too practical. Maybe things are going to be just chirpy for them and they'll live happily ever after. Maybe OTT displays of love like this should be acceptable and should not get the scrutiny it's getting from me. I don't know...Truth is, I always imagined proposals to be quiet and very private events. But then again, maybe that's just me.

I don't understand guys

What would you do if a guy sent you red roses? Some would say they'd be flattered and maybe even touched. But what if the flowers were from a guy that you have clearly told you want nothing more than to just be friends with? What would you do then?

Now, the guy that did this to me said that I was being presumptuous to think that he wanted anything more. But honestly, would a guy ever think to send a girl flowers if he didn't want something more? No offence to guys...i'm sure there are some really sweet guys out there...but most would never send flowers to girls unless they wanted to get into their panties. That or maybe they made a huge mistake and are trying to make it up to their girlfriend or wife.

Anyways, I'm guessing his pride got wounded and so he started making me out to be the bad guy in the whole deal...the fact that I assumed that he liked me and all. Honestly, he is such a girl. He sends me messages all the time for no reason...and I feel it's a chore to deal with the messages. It's funny coz usually girls are the ones who bug guys with silly sms's all the time. To think all this drama began because I had the need to broaden my circle of guy friends. Now I'm thinking I should just forget about guys for now...esp since they act like girls now.

Sigh....i don't get guys, i really don't.